The Crucible of Self Control

Self control was a wonderful way to end this study. Some of it was hard to hear but absolutely necessary to go over. Day 4 really pounded a message into me.

I get accused a lot of loving to gossip. This flaw is constantly pointed out to me and one I am working VERY hard on. I've always said it is because I lived in a small town and that gossiping is about the only thing to do. The thing is I hated when the gossip was about me. I thought people ought to have better things to talk about than me. As bad as I hated the gossip to be about me, I never stopped to apply that same thought when it came to someone else. I'm learning to stay out of other people's business. It's hard when I am surrounded by it all day, but I have started just letting the information go in one ear and out the other. Their business is just that, their business. 1 Thessalonians 4:11 says "Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business..." Beth then said "it takes great self control to walk away from a great story." It really is hard to walk away from a really good juicy story, but that is not how God wants us to conduct ourselves, so today starts a new day of not gossiping. Pray for me!

I'm going to back track a little because this was talked about before the gossip, but obviously I was convicted to discuss gossiping first. Also in Day 4, Beth talked about exercising self control over the mouth...what enters and exits it. Which also has to do with gossiping but what hit me the most was the entering and exiting. I'm going to go ahead and admit that my mother was right (dang! I hate when that happens!) about this. She has tried to tell me for years that if you listen and surround yourself with trash you will talk like trash. I always told her she was nuts and that just because I listened to certain things doesn't mean I will accept them or talk like them. Wrong O Mary Lou! I found myself speaking trash and not even realizing it. I have learned to separate myself from certain things so that nasty or harsh words don't come out.

A few months ago I saw a sign that said "Lord please make my words come out sweet in case I ever have to eat them." I'm not sure about you but this happens to me a lot! It typically happens when I am upset and my emotions are running high. In those situations, I have started to count to 10 and whatever harsh words need to come out I just say in my head. It works most of the time. There are times when it just bubbles up and spews out my mouth. It is just another thing I'm adding to my "To Do List."

This week was just another powerful week, and like I said I'm glad it ended with self control. For me, it seems all the others go hand in hand with self control. If you are able to control yourself and keep a Godly heart, all the others (love, patience, faithfulness, etc) will follow right behind.

Ladies, this is the end of our road; at least for now. I'm going to take some time off and hopefully pick back up in a month or so with a new study. I have absolutely loved doing this and hope you have too. I also want to say thank you to those who have encouraged me throughout this process. You'll never know what it means to me to have your love and support through this time. It hasn't been easy to step out of my comfort zone, but I have loved every minute of it!

"...well done my good and faithful servants."

Gentle Giants

"Gentleness is humble submission to God's will."

Submission...a word no one wants to hear nor do. It is the very word that when I hear it, my walls immediately go up and horns start going off, screaming 'be strong, be strong, you've got this yourself.' But that is just the pride speaking. I don't have this, and I never will. I wasn't put on this earth to do it myself. I am here by the grace of God to submit to His will and obey Him. Those are hard words to swallow. It is human nature to fight submission. It shows weakness and puts the one who we are submitting to in power. This is a thought I've had to stew over for a while tonight. Yes, I have asked God to take a few things off my plate that I no longer want to worry about, but in the back of my mind I'm still fighting for control. Some days I don't even think about those things; other days they eat me alive trying to find a solution.

Tonight I stare at two words that are going to haunt me until I finally give in. Bow Down. Something else that requires me to suck up this pride that I have and let it all go. But if I let it go what am I going to have to hold on to? What will I have as an excuse for my behavior if I let it all go? Ahh...precisely the point. I'm not supposed to have excuses.

We all have wounds that have been afflicted on us that we hold on to and when we act a certain way we point to them and say 'this is why I act this way.' Yet at some point excuses get old and tiresome. At some point I'm going to have to bow down and be still so God can bind those wounds. It won't be easy and it won't come without some tears but it HAS to be done. I will not be able to move another step forward if I don't submit to God's will. This healing won't come over night, but over time as I have patience and wait for God to work on me, I will be healed. I will have scars that I will always remember but they will no longer be able to hurt me. Beth said "their resultant scars from wounds God healed became the marks of grace and trust." How true. Once we allow God to heal us, we will forever trust Him and know He will always take care of us.

This week I've learned that gentleness means something entirely different when it comes to God. It means submit and stop fighting God.

I'm just too tired to fight anymore and what a wonderful feeling it is to be in His care!