"Gentleness is humble submission to God's will."
Submission...a word no one wants to hear nor do. It is the very word that when I hear it, my walls immediately go up and horns start going off, screaming 'be strong, be strong, you've got this yourself.' But that is just the pride speaking. I don't have this, and I never will. I wasn't put on this earth to do it myself. I am here by the grace of God to submit to His will and obey Him. Those are hard words to swallow. It is human nature to fight submission. It shows weakness and puts the one who we are submitting to in power. This is a thought I've had to stew over for a while tonight. Yes, I have asked God to take a few things off my plate that I no longer want to worry about, but in the back of my mind I'm still fighting for control. Some days I don't even think about those things; other days they eat me alive trying to find a solution.
Tonight I stare at two words that are going to haunt me until I finally give in. Bow Down. Something else that requires me to suck up this pride that I have and let it all go. But if I let it go what am I going to have to hold on to? What will I have as an excuse for my behavior if I let it all go? Ahh...precisely the point. I'm not supposed to have excuses.
We all have wounds that have been afflicted on us that we hold on to and when we act a certain way we point to them and say 'this is why I act this way.' Yet at some point excuses get old and tiresome. At some point I'm going to have to bow down and be still so God can bind those wounds. It won't be easy and it won't come without some tears but it HAS to be done. I will not be able to move another step forward if I don't submit to God's will. This healing won't come over night, but over time as I have patience and wait for God to work on me, I will be healed. I will have scars that I will always remember but they will no longer be able to hurt me. Beth said "their resultant scars from wounds God healed became the marks of grace and trust." How true. Once we allow God to heal us, we will forever trust Him and know He will always take care of us.
This week I've learned that gentleness means something entirely different when it comes to God. It means submit and stop fighting God.
I'm just too tired to fight anymore and what a wonderful feeling it is to be in His care!
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One of the thoughts that seemed to pop up over and over this week was to "stop fighting God." And, although I don't like to think I fight God, when I actually take a look deep within, I'm fighting Him when I'm not surrendering completely to Him. Total submission, complete surrender, they do not come easy and to be honest they frighten me a bit. There are just certain things I can't seem to take my hands off of and totally surrender them even though I know that God's will and plan is much greater than anything I have in mind.
ReplyDeleteHumility, to humble myself, emptying myself of self! I do desire to be humble, it just doesn't seem to come naturally either. I know I am unworthy of God's grace and yet I catch myself being filled with pride over something that I know has nothing to do with me. Because, God can use any old vessel and I am just a vessel. The statement was made on Day 2 that "those with authentic humility, are those who practice aggressive confession thus developing a deep realization of...unworthiness to receive God's marvelous grace." And, "that humility is the correct estimation of ourselves which results from a correct estimation of our God." For me, those are some powerful statments about how I need to view myself as well as how Great the God is that I serve. John wrote that "He must become greater, I must become less." I need to have that scripture engraved on the palms of my hands to remind me of who I am and how Great God is.
Then I'll end with this statement that also came from day 2, "humility is one of the super natural results of being rightly related to God." Hmmm...I've definitely got work to do!