I'm not sure how many times I have started to write only to erase everything I have written. There is just so much going on in my head that I don't know how to put it all down.
There were many things that jumped out at me this week; Paul's amazing story of never giving up and reminding us that being a Christian doesn't mean we live on easy street. The reminder that despite my horrible past that haunts me, God has chosen me as one of His own and He doesn't make mistakes! That winning the approval of the world isn't going to get me anywhere. And Abraham and Sarah's story always gets me thinking what if I was in their shoes. Would I laugh in God's face if at 90 something He told me I would have a child as Sarah did? But what stood out the most for me was the 10 Characteristics of the Crucified Life. Here are the ones that made me wince when I read them knowing God was trying to get my attention.
The second one, 'you must abandon your own will and your own agenda.' I like being in control of my life; calling all the shots so letting God have total control is hard for me. After many struggles, I realized that doing it my way wasn't going to work. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what I was supposed to do with my life; change jobs, change cities, go back to school, or just give up. After being reminded of Jeremiah 29:11, I decided that I would just have to turn it all over to God. I found so much peace in letting Him have it all. It was amazing! I could finally sleep!
'You must go "outside the camp."' Hello! My biggest struggle to date! I have never been comfortable sharing my testimony and my faith. I feel awkward and as if I'm going to screw up so bad that I will actually turn someone away from God even more. Even doing this blog is a HUGE uncomfortable thing for me. I'm trying to let go of all that insercurity and realize that I don't have to be some big scholar to talk about my faith and what God is doing in my life.
I had the chance to teach my Sunday school class one Sunday. I was terrified from the minute I said yes. I had such panic attacks throughout that whole month I had to prepare that I thought I would die before I ever go to teach. I was praying hard that we would be down in numbers that week, but lucky me we had a packed house! After it was all over, I realized that day was a turning point for me in my faith. It was when I decided that I had to be all or nothing. So stepping out of your comfort zone may send you into a complete hysteria, but it might just help you grow as a Christian.
'You must forego your rights.' I have a hard time letting things go. If someone hurts me I will carry the angry around with me forever. The thing is even if I have the right to be angry, Christ can never fully be in me because anger has take up residence in my heart. He had every right to be angry at those who betrayed Him, but He never let it get in His way of loving them. I'm constantly reminding myself that I can never fully be forgiven if I haven't fully forgiven those who have wronged me.
You may have found different ones speaking to you and if you feel like sharing, please do.
I hope this week has been good for you and that you are excited to keep going. I have had a peek at this coming week, and it is going to be intense! Have a wonderful week!
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First of all, I think this is a GREAT first entry! I haven’t gotten the book yet, but just reading the points you mentioned makes me want to get started on it ASAP! I am so proud that you have taken such a bold step and are sharing your faith this way. Even though we grew up in church, I feel like we need to have these conversations that make us feel “uncomfortable” in order to keep growing spiritually.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with many of the points you mentioned. The anger one really hit me this week. I want to forgive, but when I think about the past it’s much harder to do than to just say I do. Letting go seems like it should be easy, and maybe it will be if I pray just a little harder about it!
Lastly, I think more people will see Christ through you if you are yourself, even if sometimes it’s a nervous, anxiety-consumed self. I always hated to pray out loud, but now I’ve realized it’s an honor to pray to our gracious, loving God. He knows me and I shouldn’t sugar coat my prayers just because others are listening. God loves us just the way we are! Anyone want to break out in song now?
Come Just as you Are, Hear the Spirit Call!!
I read something in a Sunday School lesson a few years ago that absolutely made such a tremendous impact in my life and yet it's so simple. I think it goes along with what the study has been about to this point,the amazing love God has for us. This is what stopped me in my tracks as I prepared to teach a Sunday School lesson.
ReplyDelete"God, in His infinite knowledge, saw all the faults and failures of His people long before they were ever formed. He could have chosen an easier path and decided not to create us at all, but His love would not allow Him to make that choice. Before God ever created humankind, He weighed the joy of their fellowship with the pain of their betrayal, and guess what...we won!"
Maybe that doesn't hit you quite like it hit me and that's okay, that's the beauty of participating in a Bible Study, we learn from each other as we share with each other as we study God's Word. Even though I've done this particular study twice, I'm enjoying it through a different pair of eyes, because like you (even though I'm much older) I'm still striving to be all that God intends for me to be. I constantly remind myself that as a Christian, my words should reflect Christ, my reading material, my attitude, what I watch, how I react, every detail of my life should be a reflection of Christ. None of this is easy but we weren't promised an easy life.
The characteristic that spoke to me this week was "Your intimate spiritual companions will be few." I hadn't really given that much thought before but there is really only one person (beside John) that I can share the concerns of my heart with and she always understands even when I'm not very good at expressing myself.
Something else in this week's study that I think we all need to be reminded of is that God is approachable-- (Ephesians 2:18) He desires that we share every detail of our life with Him (even though He already knows everything). He wants to have conversations with us and there is nothing we can't talk to Him about. And finally, I always love to hear that God regards me as a treasured possession,(Deut 7:6)we women want to be treasured by someone and so often we look in all the wrong places when we just have to look to Him.
God is so good!
I'm with Alicia, I could just break out in a song right now!
This is an excellent post, Kacie. I am so proud of you too. You will be blessed for your willingness to serve Him!
ReplyDeleteThe thing that struck me about this post was the point about control. Its very difficult to give over everything aspect of our lives to God. As bad as that sounds. When we struggle with Him about what we should choose for our life decisions. Should I choose this job? Should I choose this degree in school? What God wants most of all is for us to decide to simply CHOOSE HIM! When we choose Him, that is all that matters. I'm not saying that our jobs and degrees or whatever we choose aren't important, but the most important thing is that what we are doing with our lives glorifies Him.
I know this. But I don't always remember it sadly. When I stress out and wonder what I'm supposed to do with my life sometimes, I know its time to pray and give it over! Be satisfied with the blessings in my life and work hard to glorify Him with everything I have.
Kace, I'm really glad you are doing this study. I'm sure each of us will get something different out of it. And I think thats a beautiful thing. The complex mysteries of the way God works are so beautiful. And I'm blessed to be a part of your Bible study. :)
Okay girls, all together now..."His name is Wonderful, Jesus, my Lord."