Mended Hearts, Eternal Ties

Even with the week being full of wonderful material to talk about, I have yet again been focused on a question Beth wrote in the margin. "What does it mean to you that Jesus had the power to escape His circumstances but chose to endure suffering for our sake?"

I have thought about this question many times. Most of the time I am in awe of Christ's sacrifice. I couldn't imagine willingly taking the punishment for someone else's crime. I love a lot of people in this world but I couldn't take the fall for something they did especially when they knew it was wrong to do it. It amazes me that Christ knew his whole life his purpose in life and the suffering he would have to endure for a bunch of sinners. Can you imagine?

The rest of the time I am ashamed that I let myself fall so hard and far away from what I know is right. When doing the crime I never once thought about the consequences and how bad it must have hurt God to see me run so fast from Him. Then to imagine Jesus sitting up there watching thinking 'I really laid my life down for her? She doesn't even appreciate what I have done for her.' And I don't think I really did. I was young and stupid and I hate that as an excuse but I was so immature in my walk with God that I couldn't see what He did for me. I was too worried about what the world thought of me. Thank goodness I have come to my senses!

Jesus had the power to come down off that cross at any point in time but he chose to stay up there for me and you. He knew if he didn't then there would be no hope for us. He literally saved our lives and I hate that for so many years I all but denied Him. We are lucky that God is a loving and forgiving God. Once we have repented our sins it is forever forgotten.

What does Jesus' sacrifice mean to you?

Once again these 10 weeks have flown by! I'm not sure what next year has in store for me regarding this blog. I would love to say I already have the next study picked out but that isn't true. The first of the year will be a busy one but I am bound and determined not to let life get in my way of devotions. I will send out an email like the last times when I have decided what I will do. I know Brent and I are going to read the bible in 365 days. I haven't ever read the bible from cover to cover so I think it will be a neat journey for us to take together. I thought about asking you all to do the same and blogging about it, but I just haven't made my mind up. If you have suggestions feel free to email me. Hopefully I will figure it out soon!

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

The Heart of the Testimony

On day 3, we spent a lot of time on the Ten Commandments. I know we can all recite them by memory, but have you ever sat down and really went over each one and what they mean to you? For some reason, the past several months the Ten Commandments keep popping in my head. Have no idea why, they just do. It might have something to do with when my mom and I went to a women's conference back in the spring, one of the guest speakers was Candace Cameron Bure. She gave a wonderful testimony and the part that really stuck with me was she said she knew she needed to confess her sins to become a Christian, but didn't really know where to start. She pulled out her bible and flipped to the Ten Commandments and went down the list confessing her sins with each Commandment. She said in some way she had broken every Commandment. I sat there stunned because I knew what they all were and I also knew that I hadn't read in the papers where she killed anyone, but she went on to explain how she didn't technically murder someone but her actions towards them might have as well been the same.

Her words replayed in my mind as I studied day 3. I, too, have broken most of those Commandments, maybe not literally but in ways that are just as bad. Beth posed the question "are you obeying all of the Ten Commandments, or just the ones that you find convenient?" I would love to say I obey all them, but I am human and I always seem to fall short. It seems to happen a lot more lately. I would love to say it is all the new hormones I have running in me now, but I have to be honest and just say I'm going through a slump and not being a very good Christian. I pray hard that I will pull out of whatever this funk is that I seem to find myself tramped in. I have gone through the Commandments several times and I am overcome with shame knowing I have to confess everyone of them. There is no way around it. I used to follow the ones that were more convenient and justified my actions with 'at least I haven't killed someone or stole anything' but then again no one Commandment is better than the other.

I want you to think about the Ten Commandments and reflect on them as you may not have normally. Are there ones you struggle with more than others? Or are you like me and deal with each one daily? Do you pick and chose your Commandments? Or are you passing with flying colors? Obviously you don't have to post your thoughts, but I do want you to be honest with yourself and God and spend some time going over the Ten Commandments.

Hearts Beyond the Veil

"God also bound himself with an oath, so that those who received the promise could be perfectly sure that he would never change his mind. So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary." Hebrews 6:17-19

• When we make a promise to someone, we sometimes swear to God so that the party we are swearing to knows we are serious in our promise because he is our highest authority. When God makes promises to us, He is the highest authority so he can only swear by himself. Making His promises nothing we should ever doubt. He has followed through on every promise he made in the bible and he will do the same for us.
• The hope we have in God is what anchors us to him. Imagine a rope tied around your waist and the other tied to God. We may get tossed around on our end but God's end will always stay exactly where it is. His position is unchangeable and when we lose sight of that we become hopeless. Beth stated that the hope we have is directly tied to our souls. Notice when someone seems hopeless they also seem to have no soul, no life. They just wander through life with no great joy. But when someone has hope, their soul is alive and they are filled with life. You can immediately see it in their eyes. Always hold strong to the hope you have in God. Your soul depends on it.

A Heart That Intercedes

Have you ever really thought about what Jesus does all day sitting up there with God? Have you ever just wanted to be his "shadow" and know what goes on day to day with him? I do!

I have always pictured Jesus and God just sitting up there very quiet listening to prayers and watching people. For some reason I have never really imagined them talking, but Beth has opened my eyes to see that they sit around all day chatting it up about us! They are in constant conversation about what goes on in our lives. Not just the big details but the small ones as well. Is that not the neatest thing? A smile went across my face when she said that Jesus spends his day talking to God about me. I'm not sure why because I know he spends most of that time convincing God that I am just hardheaded and that the light bulb will go off soon enough. I guess it would be the thought of my name always being on their lips and that nothing in my life wasn't carefully planned out by Him. Even the bad is carefully planned out. Beth made the statement that our trials and tribulations are only approved (by God) IF they fit our purpose in life. Meaning every trouble we seem to find ourselves in was put there to help us grow and learn.

This can only bring me to reflect back on the many struggles I have had in my life and think hard about what I learned and how I grew as a person and Christian. I would love to say I only had to struggle with certain subjects once but as I have stated before, I'm hardheaded! I had to get my own dose of being made fun of in my younger days to realize words DO hurt and they leave scars if you aren't careful. I also have had many lessons in being humble and thankful for what I have. Those were never pretty but I learned a great deal!

Trials are never easy but now I may look at them in a different light. Instead of crying out asking God why he let this happen; I might start asking Him to show me how to learn from it.

I'm wondering what they are chatting about right now as I write this blog. Probably that I will have to be reminded the next time I have a crisis that there is a reason for it!

The Heart of a Servant

In this week's video discussion we focused on the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth found in Luke 1:5-25. It's a story I'm sure you can't remember right off hand, but one that has a theme that has played out several times throughout the bible.

Zechariah and Elizabeth had prayed desperately for years for a child but never was able to conceive. They were moving into their "golden years" when Zechariah was called to serve God in the tabernacle. As a priest, it was a very big deal to be able to serve God in the Temple and one did not pass this opportunity up. But in order for him to serve out his week, he had to leave Elizabeth behind and spend time preparing for this service.

The time came for Zechariah to go into the Temple and get the coals for the alter of incense and burn them. As he was standing there, an angel of the Lord appeared and told Zechariah that his wife would bear a child. Naturally, Zechariah was frightened at first and then he asked the angel how that could be. He explained that both he and his wife were very old and he just didn't believe it could happen. At this point in the story I am right there along with Zechariah. He and his wife I'm sure had prayed everyday for all these years for a child and each month came up empty handed.

How many times have we heard this similar story in the bible? A ton. It seems to be this reoccurring theme, just when you think your pray hasn't been heard, WHAM! its answered. If you are anything like me, there are things that you may have been praying for for awhile now and nothing seems to come of it. This story just reminds us that our prayers will be answered when God sees fit and He is wanting to show us his mircalous powers. And how much sweeter is an answered prayer when you have waited so long for it? It is a unexpected gift that brings joy to your life and you can without a doubt say "The Lord had done this for me!"

I hope there is not a prayer that you have given up on. I hope you are still praying for whatever it is that your are needing even if you have been praying about it for years. There is a particular area in my life that I have prayed about for what seems like forever but I have never given up hope that God will one day answer that prayer. I know He has big plans and I can't wait til He lets me in on the secrete!

Hearts in Fellowship

This week's focus was on the lampstand in the tabernacle. In Day 2 we had to draw the lampstand with the 7 shafts. Then we had label each shaft according to what Isaiah 11:1-2 called the sevenfold attitudes of the Spirit of the Lord. The Spirit of the Lord was placed in the middle shaft, then on the right side there was counsel, understanding, and wisdom. On the left side there was might, knowledge, and fear. Beth then poses the question, how has the Holy Spirit recently made Himself known in your life through one of these six attributes?

Understanding immediately jumped off my page. There has always been so much about God that I don't understand; his timing, why he allows bad things to happen, why other peoples dreams seem to fall in their laps and while I try to grasp at every straw, etc. I will worry myself to death trying to figure it all out. I want all the answers and explanations right now. Its human nature. Recently, though, I have had to take a step back and reevaluate my thinking. There will always be a lot I wouldn't understand about God and why he allows things to happen, but what I keep reminding myself is that God has a plan for me.

Lately, I have had a hard time sitting by watching other people flourish in their lives while I feel like I am just at a stand still. It seems everyone is getting exactly what they wanted out of life and I am wondering when my turn will be or if it will ever be. I have had to do a lot of knee time to get to a place where I'm ok with my life. God has continually drilled it into my head that I have to trust Him and understand that His timing for me isn't the same as everyone else's.

On the day's where I decide to throw myself a pity party, I go back to Jeremiah 29:11 and Matthew 6:33. There is no need to question God why my life seems to be at a stand still because He has plans for me and if I seek Him all my needs will be met. He knows my heart's dreams and desires and maybe some of those things won't come true, but I have to understand that those plans may not have been what He had in mind. My life is going just according to His plans. It has to be. It seems nothing I'm doing today was in my plans several years back and I can only say it is because God has lead me down this path.

So, which of these six attributes has the Holy Spirit made Himself known to you? You obviously don't have to post if you don't want to, but I want you to think about. Reflect on why that attribute stands out from the rest. I hope by being forced to think about, God will shed more light on the subject for you.

Hearts Approaching the Altar

This week was all about the tabernacle and its construction. If you have never read about it, I encourage you to go to Exodus and read it. It is pretty amazing when you break everything down and what it means and how it relates to Christ and our relationship with him.

That's mainly what I will be talking about because I LOVE reading the Old Testament and how it sets us up for the coming of Christ in the New Testament.

So on to the tabernacle...

God had very specific plans for the tabernacle; there was not a detail left out. He told how wide, long, and how high the walls need to be. What they were to be made out of and gave specific instructions on how the alter would be built. It wasn't really those details that got to me. What got to me was the way it was laid out with all the people camped out outside of it. What you've got when everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be is a big rectangular shape in the center, 4 different tribes at the north, south, east, and west sides, with the number of people being about even on the north and south sides. The west camp being smaller than the east camp, which is the largest group. So if you draw a rectangle and then draw lines out from that rectangle that represents each tribe; 2 lines being about equal, a short one and then a longer line than the rest, what do you get? A cross! It gets even better. At the front gate of the tabernacle sits the tribe of Judah. If you wanted to go the the alter to make a sacrifice for you sins, you had to pass thru the tribe of Judah. The significance...another name for Jesus is The Lion of the tribe of Judah!

Ok, I hope I haven't lost any of you. I'm a little excited about this exercise and the realization of what God was constructing. It was a very early example of what was yet to come. God was in the center of this tabernacle. The only way for them to get to Him was to walk through Judah's camp (i.e. Jesus) and they all made up the lines of the cross. Is that not the craziest thing? The symbolism just knocked my socks off. I wish I could say I was so smart that I figured this out of my own, but sadly I didn't. Beth drew the mental picture for us on the video and I of course had to physically draw it. I'm a visual person and the the moment I did the light bulb went off. It is the neatest thing I have ever seen and had to think about! Every time God looked down on His people he saw a cross walking through the desert!

Obviously, they had no idea what it looked like from the sky nor would they ever understand what was really going on but are you not just fascinated with the Old Testament and its build up to Christ's life? I used to think the Old Testament was boring and always preferred the New Testament but now I see it with a new light.

I'm sorry this week isn't really a deep heart wrenching blog but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to share what I learned. Each week always adds to the week before so hopefully by the end of this you will see the significance of this.

Prepared Hearts

After watching the video that goes along with this study, I decided that I would talk about what was discuss there.

Normally, Beth does a recap of the week and focuses on one subject and digs deeper. This week however, she picked up where day 5 ended. We went over chapters 32-34, but one specific chapter caught my eye. It was chapter 33 and more specifically, verses 12-23.

If I have ever felt like someone in the bible, it was then. Moses was having, what I call, a freak out moment. He was finally just letting all his emotions out. He wanted to know what God had in store for them the rest of the way and if God was going to be there. Now, Moses knew God said he was there for him but he just wasn't getting it. Moses needed God in the flesh with him so he would feel better and feel more in control.

Oh how there are days that I wish God would swoop down and become human so he can hold my hand and tell me all the things he has in store for me. Beth says that is our "with" need; we want God's presence. I know I'm not the only one that would find life so much easier if God would just make himself known in the flesh. No matter how much I pray, I want Him there holding my hand every time I go into the doctor's office to get an update on the baby. Whispering in my ear that He has everything under control. I know this is when my faith gets tested. Just as Moses, I know God has great plans for me and I wish He would share those plans with me, but I have to have faith that He knows what he is doing and that even though he isn't there in the flesh, He is still holding my hand.

I'm not sure how people without faith get through things. I'm not sure how I would have gotten through the past couple of weeks without Him assuring me everything will be fine. I'm not sure how I would get through this pregnancy without Him; let alone raising a child. My mom says she always prays for my brother and me, and I never could get why she would pray for us when it was just an ordinary day. Well, even though my child isn't here yet, I am constantly praying for God to watch over it and keep it safe. It gives me reassurance that even though God can't show himself, He is still there.

That is what we always need to remember. He wouldn't send us out into the desert with no food and no idea what our next move will be if He didn't have everything under control and our best interest at heart. We have to trust that He will guide us if we will only pick up and follow.

New Starts and Barren Hearts

Due to some personal issues last week, I will be writing about week 2 this week and will pick back up with week 3 next week.

'I've got your back.' I have said this many times to my friends when they were faced with a situation in which I thought if they couldn't handle it themselves I would step in and give them the extra support. This phrase kept popping in my head all week during this study. God seemed to be reminding me that He has my back no matter the situation and that He will always keep me safe. The Israelites seemed to have forgotten this small detail while out in the wilderness. Just as I forget sometimes all I have to do is call out and God will be there. Most times I don't even have to call out, He knows what I need at the exact moment.

There are times when I stand back in awe of God's timing and this past week was one of them. I watched the video that goes along with this study on Saturday morning. I sat stunned on my bed as I watched the video. It seemed to be designed just for me.

As many of you know I had a family death last week. There were moments in which I didn't know where I would draw my next breath. As soon as I heard the news, a story that Beth told on the video came to me. She told a story where one of her good friends lost their child. Beth said the mother had this unexplainable grace about her and how strong she was. At the funeral, Beth was a complete mess and couldn't get a hold of herself. The mother had to come over and tell her to get it together. She was amazed by her strength and told God she didn't see how she was such as mess and the mother was holding it together. God reminded her that He gives His grace out according to individual need. The mother was handling this tragedy with God's grace, not her own. He had her back.

I have had to pray a lot this past week for God's grace and for His strength. I knew I couldn't handle any of this alone and quite frankly, didn't want to. This was in His plan all along and even though I will never understand His timing, I have to accept it. Beth made a point in her video that God is expecting our unexpected. He knew I would fall back on Him this week and that He would have to carry me. He has always got me.

Broken Hearts, Broken Ties

I love bible stories! I never grew tired of hearing about Jonah and the whale, Noah's Ark, Adam and Eve, Moses' birth, etc. They are stories that we learned as soon as we hit Sunday School age and I was thrilled when right off the bat we were reading all the early stories this week. However, it didn't take me long to figure out that we weren't going to cover the happy parts of these stories. Well, we were but we had to first cover why these events even happened.

I was overwhelmed this week by God's wrath in the Old Testament. I know He is a mighty God and that he brings punishment and judgement to those that go against Him. But this week it really got to me and I was even more grateful that He sent Jesus here for us. See in each one of those wonderful stories something horrible happened either before or after those events. Eve ate the apple and all of mankind was punished; hard labor for women (I appreciate that one!) and a desire to control the uncontrollable, man. And for man, they will have to work and sweat over the land to provide for their families. God was so disgusted by the way that people were acting that he caused a great flood to wipe them out. He destroyed His creation because they were doing nothing but fulfilling their own desires and needs. It brings me to think, what does He see when He looks down at us now? Are we not doing the exact same thing?

I can almost guarantee God is not pleased with everything that he sees. I know there are many things that I have done in my life that has not been pleasing to Him. I knew they weren't pleasing at the time, but did them anyway because I felt I deserved to do what I wanted. Only now that my eyes have been opened, have realized what a huge promise God made to Noah all those thousands of years ago. He had already punished humans several times, until finally He just couldn't take it and felt the need for a do over. Then and there God decided that he would start over and promised to never again destroy the human race no matter how bad it got. And He knew how bad it would get, but He also knew He would then have to give the ultimate sacrifice; Jesus. Does that not just make you all unbelievably grateful? I mean we are probably doing the same horrible things those people were but because of Jesus we will never have to know God's wrath like that.

I hate to be all gloom because I also know even though our world is probably not as pleasing to God as He would like, I know He finds joy in us. I can only imagine His face when one of us becomes His child for the first time, or when we finally lay our agenda down and let Him have His way. I know He sits with a big smile on His face when we all come together and worship Him. If it wasn't for Jesus I'm not sure what He would think of us. I would have to think that He would look down and see the same thing he saw back then. But luckily we will never have to experience what they did as along as we follow Him.

The Crucible of Self Control

Self control was a wonderful way to end this study. Some of it was hard to hear but absolutely necessary to go over. Day 4 really pounded a message into me.

I get accused a lot of loving to gossip. This flaw is constantly pointed out to me and one I am working VERY hard on. I've always said it is because I lived in a small town and that gossiping is about the only thing to do. The thing is I hated when the gossip was about me. I thought people ought to have better things to talk about than me. As bad as I hated the gossip to be about me, I never stopped to apply that same thought when it came to someone else. I'm learning to stay out of other people's business. It's hard when I am surrounded by it all day, but I have started just letting the information go in one ear and out the other. Their business is just that, their business. 1 Thessalonians 4:11 says "Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business..." Beth then said "it takes great self control to walk away from a great story." It really is hard to walk away from a really good juicy story, but that is not how God wants us to conduct ourselves, so today starts a new day of not gossiping. Pray for me!

I'm going to back track a little because this was talked about before the gossip, but obviously I was convicted to discuss gossiping first. Also in Day 4, Beth talked about exercising self control over the mouth...what enters and exits it. Which also has to do with gossiping but what hit me the most was the entering and exiting. I'm going to go ahead and admit that my mother was right (dang! I hate when that happens!) about this. She has tried to tell me for years that if you listen and surround yourself with trash you will talk like trash. I always told her she was nuts and that just because I listened to certain things doesn't mean I will accept them or talk like them. Wrong O Mary Lou! I found myself speaking trash and not even realizing it. I have learned to separate myself from certain things so that nasty or harsh words don't come out.

A few months ago I saw a sign that said "Lord please make my words come out sweet in case I ever have to eat them." I'm not sure about you but this happens to me a lot! It typically happens when I am upset and my emotions are running high. In those situations, I have started to count to 10 and whatever harsh words need to come out I just say in my head. It works most of the time. There are times when it just bubbles up and spews out my mouth. It is just another thing I'm adding to my "To Do List."

This week was just another powerful week, and like I said I'm glad it ended with self control. For me, it seems all the others go hand in hand with self control. If you are able to control yourself and keep a Godly heart, all the others (love, patience, faithfulness, etc) will follow right behind.

Ladies, this is the end of our road; at least for now. I'm going to take some time off and hopefully pick back up in a month or so with a new study. I have absolutely loved doing this and hope you have too. I also want to say thank you to those who have encouraged me throughout this process. You'll never know what it means to me to have your love and support through this time. It hasn't been easy to step out of my comfort zone, but I have loved every minute of it!

"...well done my good and faithful servants."

Gentle Giants

"Gentleness is humble submission to God's will."

Submission...a word no one wants to hear nor do. It is the very word that when I hear it, my walls immediately go up and horns start going off, screaming 'be strong, be strong, you've got this yourself.' But that is just the pride speaking. I don't have this, and I never will. I wasn't put on this earth to do it myself. I am here by the grace of God to submit to His will and obey Him. Those are hard words to swallow. It is human nature to fight submission. It shows weakness and puts the one who we are submitting to in power. This is a thought I've had to stew over for a while tonight. Yes, I have asked God to take a few things off my plate that I no longer want to worry about, but in the back of my mind I'm still fighting for control. Some days I don't even think about those things; other days they eat me alive trying to find a solution.

Tonight I stare at two words that are going to haunt me until I finally give in. Bow Down. Something else that requires me to suck up this pride that I have and let it all go. But if I let it go what am I going to have to hold on to? What will I have as an excuse for my behavior if I let it all go? Ahh...precisely the point. I'm not supposed to have excuses.

We all have wounds that have been afflicted on us that we hold on to and when we act a certain way we point to them and say 'this is why I act this way.' Yet at some point excuses get old and tiresome. At some point I'm going to have to bow down and be still so God can bind those wounds. It won't be easy and it won't come without some tears but it HAS to be done. I will not be able to move another step forward if I don't submit to God's will. This healing won't come over night, but over time as I have patience and wait for God to work on me, I will be healed. I will have scars that I will always remember but they will no longer be able to hurt me. Beth said "their resultant scars from wounds God healed became the marks of grace and trust." How true. Once we allow God to heal us, we will forever trust Him and know He will always take care of us.

This week I've learned that gentleness means something entirely different when it comes to God. It means submit and stop fighting God.

I'm just too tired to fight anymore and what a wonderful feeling it is to be in His care!

Keep Believin'

Faith is one thing I have never struggled with. I have never questioned whether God was real, never questioned if He hears my prayers, or never questioned what the bible told me. I have always thought myself pretty lucky that I have never struggled with this. I have been confronted several times of why I believe in God and it is so second nature to me, I have a hard time relaying my feelings to someone who doesn't get it. I find it so strange that someone can look around the world and not see God's hand in everything.

This week even though it was an easy topic for me, it was a nice be to reassured in God's wonderful faithfulness. One of my favorite parts in the study was at the beginning of Day 2 when we had to list all the "Hall of Faith" heroes. I have heard all the stories a million times, but it was nice to go back over all these people who had to put all their faith in God. Even though their task seemed impossible or difficult, they trusted God and their lives were blessed because of their faithfulness. I stopped long enough to put myself in their shoes and thought about how hard it would have been to build an ark when everyone thought I was mad, or at 100 or so years old finally having my first child only then to have God say I had to give him as an offering. Their faith was so strong in God, that they did whatever He called them to do. That got me thinking...could I do that? What if He called me to do something that would test this faith I am so proud of? I had to think about it. I'm not sure I would have done it willingly. I think I would have questioned God over and over to make sure this was truly something He needed me to do. Maybe after wrestling with it I might have done it, but I'm almost sure it would not have been without a fight. I realized that those in the "Hall of Faith" did what was asked of them and I felt in awe that they were able to handle God's calling sometimes without a fight.

I am curious how y'all felt. Is faith easy for you or have you struggled with it? Have you been questioned just as I have about your faith? If so, what was your answer? Faith is a topic that I loving having but like I said, it is so second nature to me that I have a hard time expressing my feelings and why I know my prayers will be answered in His time and as He sees fit. If you feel comfortable please share, if not and you want to email me (kcmayeur@yahoo.com), please feel free to do that as well.

I hope after this week y'all were reminded of God's amazing faithfulness even when we may not be as faithful to Him.

The Kindess and Goodness of God

Of all the qualities of the Spirit, goodness and kindness are the two I strive for the most. It is one of the reasons I started this study. I felt like I wasn't being a good enough person to myself and everyone around me. I have let the world consume me and make me bitter. That in turned made me someone I didn't want to be. In my younger days, I always wanted people to know that I was a good person and I would be there for them no matter what. I had always told my friends that anytime the needed me day or night, even at 3 in the morning, I would be there. If they needed someone I wanted them to know they could always fall back on me. I feel over the past couple of years I have gotten away from that. I think some of my life experiences has hardened me and I just shut down. I didn't care anymore if people viewed me as a good person. I knew who I was, or thought I knew, and I was ok with that. After being unhappy with myself for so long I realized I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. I wasn't the same girl all those years ago.

One day during a pity party I was throwing myself, I remembered an interview I saw with Whitney Cerak and a motto she tried to live by. (Whitney was the girl who was in a horrific car crash and was mistaken for another young girl about her same age.) She had posted in her room a sign that simply said "well done my good and faithful servant." Whitney said that's what she wanted God to say to her when she met Him. She wanted to live her life doing good and serving God. I sat there thinking how awesome would that be to get to heaven and have God take you in His arms and say those words to you. For me, it would be like having my parents tell me they were proud of me but multiplying it by a trillion. I knew in that moment I had to make a change or that would never happen to me.

This lesson came at just the right moment for me because I was reminded that just simply thinking I was a good person meant nothing unless I was doing something. In the video, Beth keep referring to several different passages in the bible where it talked about goodness and the act of doing good. The first one was Genesis 1. After each element that God made that benefited man, He said "this is good." Ephesians 2:10 "...so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." There were a few more but these two examples stuck out to me the most. In Genesis, God was doing something that helped someone else. He was creating a world that would make those who lived on it happy and they would be able to enjoy His creation. Ephesians is just a reminder that we are here for a purpose. We are here for Him and to glorify Him as He had planned.

It makes sense that when talking about being good you would also have to discuss the act of it. Thinking about all the people who I think are good, they all serve others. They all do what they are called to do. I love having these duh moments with myself when I realize that if I would have just thought a little harder about being a good person it would have involved me doing something. I mean I can't call myself a good person if the only one I'm doing good for is myself.

Each week I am really glad I decided to take the journey with God. It has opened my eyes to so many things that I may not have picked up on if I wasn't doing a daily study. I have always been told that having a daily devotion is important but never really thought so until now. It is amazing the turn around my mind and heart has made by being with God on an intimate level daily. My hope and prayer is that you feel the same.

*Side bar...I hope in reading this each week you are not overwhelmed with my grammar and spelling mistakes. I have just recently started re-reading my posts and I realized that I miss a lot even after I proof read. I usually try to find a time when everything is settled in the house, but it seems to never fail that the dog comes and bounces at my heels every half second or my husband comes back every 30 minutes to see what I am doing. I apologize and I would love to totally blame them but grammar and spelling have never been my strong points. I had to call myself out so you all don't have to bless my heart! :)

A Composite of Peculiar Patience

A thought kept coming to me all this week as I was studying and that was 'if I can't seem to have patience for those around me who constantly test it, then why do I expect God to show me that same mercy?'

It is hard for me to grasp that God has the same human traits that we have. I mean I know that we are made in His image but I very rarely think of Him with the same emotions as we have. But this week the thought of Him always being patient with me and showing forgiveness time after time hit hard. I started thinking about all the times I had begged for forgiveness and asked God just to hang in there. That one day I will get it, but yet when someone needed me to just hang in there with them, I couldn't do it. I wrote them off. I started thinking about how God felt all those time I went against Him and how patient He was with me, knowing that at the right time I would finally get the picture. I'm sure there were times when God wanted to thump me on the head and say "Kacie, have you lost your mind!? This is not how you are supposed to behave." I'm almost positive that it would have been easier to write me off during those time, but God wouldn't hear of it.

Something else I thought was interesting was brought up in the video. Beth said 'the practice of patience helps complete something lacking in us.' She then went on to say how this was true about the people that are put in our lives and how God uses them to help us with things that we need to work on with Him. First, they are there to bring out the worst in you. I work with someone who can bring out the nastiest person in me and try my patience. She is snippy with me and just down right hateful at times. When she gets in her 'let's make Kacie's day miserable' mood it takes all I have not to come across the cubicle. I immediately react in anger. I started saying all these nasty things about her. Not to her face mind you, just behind her back like most of us girls do. I realized by acting this way that God needs me to get my anger in check. I am no better than her when I start shooting off at the mouth. It is something that is a working progress, but just this week she decided to trout over and test me. I was proud of myself because I kept my angry in control and just let it slide. 2 points for Kacie!

Secondly, they keep us from thinking too highly of ourselves. How often do we think we have it all together and then someone comes in and tells us otherwise? They seem to know the exact moment you are feeling good about yourself and where things are headed and wham! they come at you. I don't always want to hear what they have to say and I get frustrated with them but then I start thinking of how they are a blessing because you know when you get too high on that horse the devil might just get ya. And I would much rather have God snap me back than the devil!

And thirdly, they keep our pretenses from working. They keep you from getting this idea in your head that everything is going to just fit together and go just as you planned. I have gone to church all my life and when I got married, I had just assumed that Brent and I would go to my church and that we would just hit the door running volunteering, doing bible studies and all these other things I had planned. Well I guess I failed to give Brent this memo. Brent is strong headed and works in his own time so when I started telling (key word) him what we would be doing, he backed off. I then had to step back and realize that this little picture I had in my head was wonderful but that I have to let them flow naturally. I have to be patient with Brent and what God has planned for us in that aspect of our lives. All those things I hope for will one day come at just the right time.

Patience is a hard thing! I never thought it would be something that I would struggle with but boy do I! I'm going to have to constantly remind myself of the wonderful mercy God shows me and how I must then show that same mercy to someone else. If I by chance slip, which I know I will, I give you all a free pass to thump my head!

Peace Be with You

If you have ever been to Catholic Mass, you know during the meet and greet you are supposed to say "peace be with you" and then they respond "and also with you." Not being Catholic, I found this ritual very interesting the first time I saw it. It was definitely not the Southern Baptist way I was used to where you go up to just about everyone around you and give a big "hi-dee" with a smile on your face and arms out for a hug. I never asked way they do this (if you know please fill me in) and thought it to be a strange way to greet one another...until now. What an amazing thing for someone to wish you peace!

This week I'm not going to touch much on the what was said in the book, but what Beth discussed on her video. For some reason this keeps playing in my head and I thought I would share my thoughts and see what you think.

In her video, one of the things Beth talked about was having conflict with one another. I thought this to be odd to talk about but then it was the perfect way to express peace. She talked about the difference between a peacekeeper and a peacemaker. A peacekeeper is one who will keep peace no matter the cost; will not confront the problem that lie ahead, just ignore it. The peacemaker is one who does something about it; takes action towards whom or whatever to get peace in their life.

Obviously when talking about this, it didn't take me long to figure out which one I was. I am a definite peacemaker. I hate conflict, but if there is a big pink elephant in the room I'm going to deal with it. I wasn't always this way, but there have been episodes in my life where I never confronted someone with my feelings and our relationship ended up fading. There are still some relationships that I have had that I still don't have peace with because I have no idea what drove us apart. One of the best relationships I have is with someone who will shoot it to me straight. If I have wronged her, she tells me right then and vice versa. I never have to worry about that relationship because we are both peacemakers and we want the dirty laundry aired before we move on. We simply want peace with one another.

The peacekeeper is one that I found most interesting. Beth said that being a peacekeeper is actually like having false peace. You are just bypassing what is wrong and never getting your feelings out. And if you have all this false peace in you, how is God ever going to be able to fill you completely with His peace?

I find it funny that you will hear a lot of married woman say that as a wife you are supposed to "keep the peace" with your spouse. Don't go getting all riled up over everything, keep the peace with him. As many of you know this little saying just doesn't fly in my house. I don't live in 1950 and if something is bothering me you better believe Brent Miller is going to hear about it. Now, I usually try to say whatever I'm feeling in a nice calm way and be peaceful about it. I don't go flying off the hinges, but I do let him know what is on my mind. I want peace between us. I have seen too many relationships fail because the woman was simply trying to keep the peace and it ended up driving her crazy. A good friend on mine does this a lot. Her husband will do things that just drives her nuts and instead of confronting him about it, she just simply lets it slide. She has all these ill emotions towards him that it is hard for her to have any good feelings towards him. I hate it for her, and I tell her just to say something but she won't. She just keeps the peace.

Beth noted that this type of peace is a deceiving peace. You think that everything is okay and that you have found peace with the situation but in reality you haven't. You have no peace. You haven't dealt with the problem. The same goes for having peace with yourself. As I have said before, I have dealt being a worrier. I worry about every big and small detail, things that have happened in the past, things that might happen in the future, and I worry about people I don't even know. I have made myself sick over worrying. I had no peace with all these things in my head. I finally had a talk with God and told Him everything that was going on in this little brain of mine. Once I had emptied everything out, I let out a big sigh and felt the peace I had been missing. And even now, things will creep up in my head and I immediately just tell God He is going to have to take it. I want peace in the situation.

It seems like doing this bible study has made it easier for me to talk to God. They say your prayers are supposed to be never ending and that you are always supposed to tell Him everything, and bless His heart! lately I haven't been able to shut up! I usually start my day off talking to Him in the shower and throughout the day say quick little prayers when something pops up. I find that I don't have as much turmoil going on inside. I'm empty myself out all day so I can be filled with Him. It just doesn't seem worth it to me to have gunk inside me when I just simply just have to say "God you take this one."

My question to you is, are you a peacekeeper or a peacemaker? Are you finding peace within yourself and with situations in your life? I hope that you have/had. Our lives are way too short to not have peace!

Peace be with you!

The Joy of the Lord Is Our Strength

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!
Where?
Down in my heart.
Where?
Down in my heart.
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart to stay!

Wow! Had to get that out. That tune has been in my head for 3 days now and it is driving me bananas! Now getting to the lesson...

Have you got joy down in your heart? I'm sure you are sitting there thinking, 'uh, why of course I do, Kacie. Silly question.' Is it? If you have joy, then why? What are you joyful about?

At the beginning of the week I would have said of course I have joy! I have a adoring husband who, in spite of my many many flaws, loves me and wouldn't walk thru life with anyone else. I have a family who loves and supports me. Friends who are there for me at the drop of a hat. I am joyful because I have a job, food in my frig and a closet full of clothes. What's not to be joyful about?

Well I got a reality check...a big one! Every one of those things listed above can be yanked away from me at any given moment. Then what would I have to be joyful about?

Beth wasted no time on day one letting me know what I ought to be joyful about. She let me know MY name is written in heaven! Written on the walls for all to see! Pretty amazing huh? Just sit there and really think about that. For all my flaws and all my failures in life, God has forgiven me and reserved a spot for me next to Him. He knew before the world was even created that one day I would be dancin' in His streets!

So day one and two I was pumped and on this joy high, then I went to day three and got that reality check I was talking about. Hardships? I'm not supposed to have hardships and be joyful at the same time. They do not go together. This must be a misprint. Little did realize I was about to learn a valuable lesson.

At this point in my life there has been 3 major events that have rocked my world so hard I was barely able to stand straight. During each event, I questioned God and wondered how He could let these things happen. I never really struggled with death much growing up. Most of the people I knew who passed where older and it was just their time. I completely understood and accepted that. But I started resenting death, if that is possible, several years ago when someone very precious to me was called home. I couldn't understand why they were ripped from their family at such an unexpected time. It happened 2 more times, both just last year. I had, and still do have, a hard time dealing with each death. I know God has a plan for everything but when I think about those 3 precious lives that have been taken away, I can't see the plan nor can I see the joy. Day 3 made me realize I have to go through that pain and suffering to be able to know Christ better. To know the suffering He experienced. Beth says, 'I am convinced we cannot begin to really know Christ until we learn to fellowship with Him in His suffering.' If you have ever gone through a tragedy with someone, how much closer are you now than before? You're closer because you experienced the same suffering and know the pain. That's how it has to be with Christ. We will never be able to understand His suffering if we don't suffer a little ourselves.

Today I sit here with joy in my heart. I know God is in control and He will take care of me. Continuing to have joy in my heart and not let hardships damper that, will be a challenge. I hope you will challenge yourself too. Life will never be easy, but your life will always be good with God.

Greatest of These Is Love

Love- a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend; affectionate concern for the well-being of others.

Hmm...where to start this week. This is supposed to be one of those topics I should be able to go on and on about but there was so much for me to take in that I'm not sure where to start. I guess day one is as good as any although I won't go into too much detail for one, your intimate relationship with your spouse is your business and for two, my mother reads this so there will be no share time on this topic! :) I will, however, tell you I found all of day one interesting. I guess because sex is every where these days and its all people can talk about, that you just take it for granted. You forget that it's one of the most precious gifts God gave us to share will our spouse. Its the one thing a wife can give her husband that no one else can give and vice versa. It just made me revisit the real reason for an intimate relationship.

Day two was my favorite! I found myself nodding my head a lot because when you that one friend or friends that you are just bonded to, there is nothing like it. It is so powerful! You hear all the sappy sayings 'when you're hurt, I hurt,' or 'when you're happy, I'm happy.' I roll my eyes but it is the truth. I have been known to be right there beside a friend when they have just experienced some tragic in their lives and I feel like it has happened to me. Just the same when they have had something amazing happen to them, I have a grin on my face for days because I know they're happy. I consider my friends my family as I'm sure you do too. They are just life's best gifts!

Characteristics of Agape. I loved the way Beth presented this. It was nice for me to really focus on each one and remind myself how I ought to be. The one I am constantly having to remind myself of is being patient. I try with every bone in my body to have patience for people and most of the time I do, but God really likes to test me. Especially when I am driving down the road. He will usually pick a day when I'm running a little later than normal and put an elderly person out for their morning stroll or a huge tractor in front of me and make it impossible to pass. My road rage switch turns on and it is all I can do not to mow over them. They make it impossible for me to "live peaceably with everyone." I was just tested this week and I told God that today was not a good day to test me because I would fail miserably! He didn't listen and I was forced to take a deep breath and take in the scenery!

Day four just continued with the characteristics of agape and I found myself stopping at Proverbs 21:19 and reading it out loud to Brent. Bless his heart, my "gift" came this week and I have done nothing but complain and start silly fights. I mean the devil just grabs me for a few days without me realizing it and I grow horns and spit fire. He of course laughed but I felt really bad for my behavior. It was definitely a God thing that I would read this the first day of my "gift." I had to remind myself to check my anger because biting ones head off is not a sign of love.

Reading how Christ shows His love to us was a perfect way to end the week. Giving up His life was enough, but to do all those other things just to make sure we know how deep His love runs was just overwhelming. To know He prays for me was pretty special. I feel praying for others shows how much you care about that person and their well being. I find myself praying for just about everyone that I have every come in contact with and those I read about in the news. My list gets longer and longer everyday because I never want to miss an opportunity to pray for protection and blessings over those people. Prayer is just so powerful and I have never really thought about Jesus praying for me, but hey I'll take all the help I can get!

Ladies, I hope you learned something new about God's love for you and how we are called to love each other. It's a powerful emotion and I hope we all use it wisely.

To Live by the Spirit

Last week I had said this coming study was going to be intense. Well I'm not sure intense was the right word to describe it. Slap in the face is more appropriate or it was for me anyway. God had my number and He kept calling until I answered.

This week I walked away knowing that I have to let go of all my sin, anger, bitterness, jealously, selfish ambition, and pretty much all the other sinful natures listed in Galatians 6:19-21 before I can ever think about taking the next step forward. Now this isn't something new to me. I know that I have to let it go but it was something that Beth said in her video that really got my attention. She said "nothing sin can give us is worth what it is taking from us."

For me, I wear my sin as badge of disgrace. I hold on to it so I know never to go down that path again. I relive all those moments where I followed the flesh/world instead of the Spirit just as a reminder. And every time I relive those moments I feel worse and worse about myself and who I am as a Christian. I'm realizing that reliving those moments and constantly thinking about them is only hindering me from becoming closer to God. It is pushing Him away and I can never really give Him my full attention because I am constantly living in the past.

One of the first things I'm going to have to learn is to have a daily prayer session before I even start my day, no matter how early 5:30 comes, confessing my sins and accepting forgiveness. To tell God what's on my mind and tell Him what my hopes and desires are. Beth says we need to pour out our thoughts so that God can pour in His Spirit. To remember that "if I'm full of myself, I can't be full of the Spirit."

My hope is that you are already well ahead of me in this aspect of you life and that you start you day off with God. I'm getting a little better about it. Sometimes I spend my whole shower talking to God depending on if I'm coherent enough to think.

I guess I need to take a small step back. I got ahead of myself a little already taking about be filled with the Holy Spirit and didn't really go into Day 1's study of who the Holy Spirit is. Umm this has pretty much always been a mystery to me. Growing up I never fully got the concept, just assumed all 3 were different. But actually after reading The Shack I got a better understanding of how all 3 work together are all 1. Now I know that book was fiction, but I'm a visual person so it helped me understand better that its the same person playing 3 different roles and Day 1 helped me fully understand the Holy Spirits role. It just amazes me how complex this is yet so simple!

I guess I missed the memo of you girls loving to break out into song, so I have posted on my favorite songs that I found on YouTube. It gets me every time and I even cried like a baby this morning in church when we sang it! Poor Brent, I'm not sure he knew what to do with me!

Have a wonderful week ladies!

Free At Last!

I'm not sure how many times I have started to write only to erase everything I have written. There is just so much going on in my head that I don't know how to put it all down.

There were many things that jumped out at me this week; Paul's amazing story of never giving up and reminding us that being a Christian doesn't mean we live on easy street. The reminder that despite my horrible past that haunts me, God has chosen me as one of His own and He doesn't make mistakes! That winning the approval of the world isn't going to get me anywhere. And Abraham and Sarah's story always gets me thinking what if I was in their shoes. Would I laugh in God's face if at 90 something He told me I would have a child as Sarah did? But what stood out the most for me was the 10 Characteristics of the Crucified Life. Here are the ones that made me wince when I read them knowing God was trying to get my attention.

The second one, 'you must abandon your own will and your own agenda.' I like being in control of my life; calling all the shots so letting God have total control is hard for me. After many struggles, I realized that doing it my way wasn't going to work. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what I was supposed to do with my life; change jobs, change cities, go back to school, or just give up. After being reminded of Jeremiah 29:11, I decided that I would just have to turn it all over to God. I found so much peace in letting Him have it all. It was amazing! I could finally sleep!

'You must go "outside the camp."' Hello! My biggest struggle to date! I have never been comfortable sharing my testimony and my faith. I feel awkward and as if I'm going to screw up so bad that I will actually turn someone away from God even more. Even doing this blog is a HUGE uncomfortable thing for me. I'm trying to let go of all that insercurity and realize that I don't have to be some big scholar to talk about my faith and what God is doing in my life.

I had the chance to teach my Sunday school class one Sunday. I was terrified from the minute I said yes. I had such panic attacks throughout that whole month I had to prepare that I thought I would die before I ever go to teach. I was praying hard that we would be down in numbers that week, but lucky me we had a packed house! After it was all over, I realized that day was a turning point for me in my faith. It was when I decided that I had to be all or nothing. So stepping out of your comfort zone may send you into a complete hysteria, but it might just help you grow as a Christian.

'You must forego your rights.' I have a hard time letting things go. If someone hurts me I will carry the angry around with me forever. The thing is even if I have the right to be angry, Christ can never fully be in me because anger has take up residence in my heart. He had every right to be angry at those who betrayed Him, but He never let it get in His way of loving them. I'm constantly reminding myself that I can never fully be forgiven if I haven't fully forgiven those who have wronged me.

You may have found different ones speaking to you and if you feel like sharing, please do.

I hope this week has been good for you and that you are excited to keep going. I have had a peek at this coming week, and it is going to be intense! Have a wonderful week!

Hello Ladies!

I have to say I am pretty excited about this new adventure! I decided after seeing Beth Moore at a marriage conference that I had to try out one of her bible studies. My mom has done several of Beth Moore's studies and she was always asking me to join in. I was always too busy to commit, plus I feel that I am away from home enough as it is. Well I decided a couple of months ago that excuse wasn't good enough anymore. I am needing a Godly change in my life if I'm ever going to become the Christian I desire to be.



I know many of you are just as busy if not busier than I am but that is the beauty of this; all you have to do is the daily devotionals and check the blog every week. You can post your comments each week if you want but you don't have to if you don't feel comfortable. You can just get on and check out what my thoughts are. I am by no means qualified to be a leader of bible study group and I will be honest I will not be leading anything. This is just something that I wanted to do for myself and thought some of you might enjoy it as well.



So here is what you need to do...grab the Living Beyond Yourself devotional workbook by Beth Moore at LifeWay and dig in! I will be starting my daily walk on June 1 and writing about my experience at the end of the week. Just check in each week when you have finished a lesson to find out my thoughts and comments. That's it!



So are you ready to take this ride with me? If so, strap on your safety belts and hang on!